Let's Get Personal: Nightclub Sexual Harassment


Trigger Warning: This post contains reference to sexual harassment and violence, and rape. 

A few weeks ago I was out at a nightclub with some friends. The club was one of our favourites as it's known for being a place where you can dress casual and people are known for being friendly and chatty. In fact the smoking area is one of the biggest I've seen and is always filled with people having a chat with anyone and everyone. 

One of the reasons I love this club is because the people there are usually very respectful and friendly. I rarely experience any harassment unlike in other clubs where I'd expect it. However on this night the bouncers had obviously let in some pretty crappy people because I had two incidents occur that night. 

The first one was similar to what Im used to on nights out. I was standing in the smoking area talking to my friends and I felt someone touch my bum, as this is something Im used to but do not appreciate, I immediately turned around and told the group of guys behind me, who had smug little smiles on their faces, "Don't f***king touch me", they then tried to deny they had done it, and I just told them to leave me alone and not to touch me again. I turned back around to my friends to carry on my conversation, when I once again felt someone pinch my bum. I turned around to find the same group of guys all laughing. At this point I was fuming, and the bouncer came over to check everything was alright as It was obvious I was not happy, I just told him to keep them away from me. 

The second incident happened a bit later on. I was standing in the smoking area and two guys called me over to say hi. Starting conversations with strangers is very normal in this club, so I went over to say hello. The conversation was innocent enough and they seemed like alright guys, talking about the Scottish Independence vote (as they were Scottish) and things like that. 

Then the conversation changed and one of the guys started to insult me, telling me I was uglier than the bottom of his shoe, that I was fat and some other mean things. I didn't really care what he thought of me so I just said okay Im going to leave now. At this point the other guy grabbed my hand and pulled me in and asked me why I didn't 'want' his friend. I obviously said he's said all this crap about me why would I want him? He then replied with...

"Well Scottish men like us are going to rape English girls like you"

Obviously I was immediately shocked and disgusted and attempted to pull away but he wouldn't let me go. I told him to leave me alone, but to get him to let go of my hand I had to dig in my nails. Once they had let me go I found my friends and told them I was leaving. I was shaken up and felt vulnerable and scared. I knew I was in a safe environment and that they couldn't do anything to me, but I just wanted to leave. 

I've become used to having my bum touched and having sexually inappropriate things said to me by men on nights out, and although it is something that makes me angry and I hate that people feel they have a right to touch me without my consent, it isn't something that makes me feel vulnerable. However having someone basically threaten to rape me was something that really effected me and has now made me even more cautious and in all honesty, scared of being in an environment with drunk men. 

I am a very independent women however for my own safety I have to rely on male friends to be able to feel safe when Im out at night, or around drunk men. I can't wear what I want without fear of men seeing it as me 'asking' for sexual attention. I can't walk places by myself, be in a nightclub without being touched inappropriately, or start a conversation with a male out of friendliness. I have to always be alert to what is going on and my surroundings. I have to always think the worst of people so as to protect myself. 

I'm not saying all men are out to assault women, Im just saying that as women we sometimes have to assume they all are just to protect ourselves from the worst. It upsets me so much that I live in a world that isn't equal for women and men, that I don't have the same freedoms as men because I have to constantly fear men and what they may be capable of doing. 

This post was something I felt like I needed to write, and I will probably touch on this subject again in a less personal way, however I wanted to write this to talk about my experience as it was something that really shook me up.  This post is even just to show my male friends what women can experience and why we have to be so scared of men, especially if alcohol is involved. 

If you need advice or to talk to someone about sexual violence, harassment or abuse I have included some links below. Also feel free to add a comment about your views or experiences or email me.

This Is Abuse - Government list of helplines

17 comments

  1. This is awful! I hope that you're okay, something like that would affect me heavily. I've never had an experience like that, but I hate night clubs because I fear drunk men. It shouldn't be the way things are; the more men that realise that the better.

    I hope you're okay, really & truly! x x x

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    1. It really is so bad that people think it's okay to say that, but Im okay. We shouldn't have to be scared to go out and enjoy ourselves because of drunk men.

      Thanks for the comment :)
      xx

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  2. I had a similar experience on friday night, having never really experienced things like that before, I had a man grab my face before pulling my dress up and another man proposition sex, when I said no, he got very strange. It was a bizarre night, but sexual harassment is becoming more and more prominent, and it has to stop!! I was a little shaken up, and went home straight away, but I hope you are ok! xxx

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    1. That's so horrible and intrusive! It's so horrible that we have to experience things like this, and that men think they have a right to touch us and have no shame in sexually harassing women. I hope you're okay, it's such a horrible experience.
      Emma xx

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  3. That's utterly disgusting! Those comments are foul that they said to you as well, but they are in no way true at all, you're not ugly or fat! I don't really go on nights out purely because of worrying about what could happen. Coming from someone who is in a relationship, I'm worried to go out because all I'd want to do is enjoy myself with my friends but there's always that fear that an incident like this could happen. Men should be educated on how to be around women, some are utterly revolting and I'm pretty sure their mothers wouldn't approve! xxx

    Hannah xo | hannatalks

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    1. Thank you, the comments didn't really effect me too much, but they were unnecessary and mean. The whole situation was strange and came out of no where and I did nothing to provoke them. I feel like a lot of men don't even realise they are doing something wrong or even that they are sexually assaulting women and making them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. It's really revolting.
      Emma xx

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  4. I'm so sorry that had to happen to you. And people wonder why we need things like feminism?!
    Hope you're feeling okay now xx

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    1. Feminism really is important because things like this aren't unusual and aren't even that bad in comparison to what some women can experience. I'm doing okay now and thanks for the comment :)
      Emma xx

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  5. I am so sorry this happened to you. Society is messed up when women have to "get used to" having their bums grabbed at nightclubs. And that is SUCH a disgusting thing to say to you, why do some people think rape is a joke, and why do they treat it with such little respect?

    "I have to always be alert to what is going on and my surroundings. I have to always think the worst of people so as to protect myself. " - This is what I do, too, and I hate it. It makes me feel like an awful person, but I'd rather be wrong and offend someone than be right and ...

    Did you hear Emma Watson's speech about the cause "HeForShe"? It's very empowering, hopefully it will inspire change.

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    1. It really is messed up that I have to be used to someone touching me when I don't want them to, but i've had to come to terms with it because it happens so regularly. I was in such shock when he said that too me though, I couldn't believe someone would use that as a threat! I hate that we have to be aware and judge people just to protect ourselves.

      I did see Emma's speech and thought it was great, I love that it's started conversation especially by a lot of my male friends! Hope the conversation carries on and doesn't get forgotten about.

      Emma xx

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  6. It's awful you had to experience this. I mean, it's bad enough getting cat-called and crap on the street. Stuff like this actually is TERRIFYING. You go into complete panic mode when you experience it. It's shit.

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    1. Yeah I did immediately panic, he basically threatened me and I had to get myself out of there. It's scary that people think it's okay to say these types of things. He probably carried on his night without a care in the world and wouldn't have even remembered it the next day! So shit.

      Emma xx

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  7. This makes me so mad--that anyone thinks they have the right to talk to/treat someone else like that. It's disgusting. Sorry you had to deal with these idiots. I'm not sure I'd want to go out for awhile if someone approached me and said something like that. Also, that first group of guys remind me of that Youtube guy who recently got in trouble for filming that "prank" video of him touching women's bums. As if it's just soo funny to assault someone. What is wrong with people?

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    1. It really makes me so angry as well. It's disgusting what people think is acceptable to say or do. Yeah those guys remind me of Sam Pepper, thinking it's okay to touch someone without their permission, and then to do it again once she's said no. That's sexual assault and it's so wrong and unfair that women have to deal with it, especially when it's made into a joke.
      Emma xx

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  8. Oh my gosh, I can't believe this.
    The bum touching thing... we've all experienced that in clubs in the UK I think. I think it's wrong but it's something we've all come to accept and hope a bouncer will handle the problem.
    But the comment and attitude from the Scottish guys, what the ****?! I can't believe it. I can't believe the vileness of what they said. I am so sorry you had to experience that.

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    1. It's sad that being touched up in clubs is something women have to expect and deal with though. The comment is another extreme though, I couldn't believe he said it, I was real disgusted and scared to be honest, but Im okay, and I guess it's good to talk about it.
      Emma x

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    Happy blogging x

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