Saying it's been a while would be an understatement. My last post was over 3 weeks ago. I've neglected my blog, I haven't been reading other blogs, I haven't even been on twitter much. I've been struggling to be honest.
I've always put a lot of pressure on myself to do well, but sometimes that pressure becomes too much. Coming back to uni and starting my third and final year was scary. It's my last chance to do well and also live the student life before entering the real world! I wanted to make the most of my final year, get good grades, volunteer, earn money, blog, get fit, and have an awesome year with my friends, but this meant putting a lot of pressure on myself.
For the past year or so I've been struggling on and off with Anxiety and Panic Attacks. It was something that came and went though, and although it became a bit of a struggle sometimes I managed to get through. However with the pressures of third year along with personal struggles I began to suffer more and more from anxiety to the point where I struggled with almost everything including seeing friends, blogging and uni presentations. Every day I would wake up with the sick feeling in my stomach and I'd feel so nervous and anxious about even the smallest things.
The past few months I've spent a lot of time in bed, watching netflix and eating chocolate because it distracted me and made me feel happy, but obviously I couldn't spend the whole year doing that and I knew I needed to get some help. I've started on medication to help with the anxiety, and although the first few weeks were pretty bad I've finally started to notice a change. I'm having some good days where I feel motivated and although Im still getting nervous and anxious it's becoming easier to control and manage.
The bad days are still outweighing the good days at the moment but there are some good days! My boyfriend's always telling my to take baby steps, and I've found this is really the best way to do it, little steps lead to bigger steps and although some things are still very daunting I can see it getting better.
Blogging is definitely important to me, I love my little space on the internet and I love interacting with other bloggers, so I'm not going anywhere. However I'm trying to keep pressure and stress to a minimum so posts may not be as regular as they were, but Im going to try and get back into the groove.
I've decided to be quite open about my anxiety and have talked about it with most of my friends and also on twitter where I've received an overwhelming amount of support and friendship from other bloggers, a lot who suffer from anxiety themselves. Talking is one of the best ways to make yourself feel better, and don't feel ashamed about how you're feeling, it's likely that someone will understand how you're feeling.
It feels good to get this off my chest and come back to blogging. I'm excited to write, and think, and post about the things I love. I'm also not going to worry if my anxiety means I need to take a step back again, my health and well being always needs to come first. Having a break has shown to me that I don't need to worry so much about schedules or views. This blog is for me and I want to make something I'm proud of.