Lets Get Personal: I've Been Struggling


Saying it's been a while would be an understatement. My last post was over 3 weeks ago. I've neglected my blog, I haven't been reading other blogs, I haven't even been on twitter much. I've been struggling to be honest. 

I've always put a lot of pressure on myself to do well, but sometimes that pressure becomes too much. Coming back to uni and starting my third and final year was scary. It's my last chance to do well and also live the student life before entering the real world! I wanted to make the most of my final year, get good grades, volunteer, earn money, blog, get fit, and have an awesome year with my friends, but this meant putting a lot of pressure on myself. 

For the past year or so I've been struggling on and off with Anxiety and Panic Attacks. It was something that came and went though, and although it became a bit of a struggle sometimes I managed to get through. However with the pressures of third year along with personal struggles I began to suffer more and more from anxiety to the point where I struggled with almost everything including seeing friends, blogging and uni presentations. Every day I would wake up with the sick feeling in my stomach and I'd feel so nervous and anxious about even the smallest things. 

The past few months I've spent a lot of time in bed, watching netflix and eating chocolate because it distracted me and made me feel happy, but obviously I couldn't spend the whole year doing that and I knew I needed to get some help. I've started on medication to help with the anxiety, and although the first few weeks were pretty bad I've finally started to notice a change. I'm having some good days where I feel motivated and although Im still getting nervous and anxious it's becoming easier to control and manage. 

The bad days are still outweighing the good days at the moment but there are some good days! My boyfriend's always telling my to take baby steps, and I've found this is really the best way to do it, little steps lead to bigger steps and although some things are still very daunting I can see it getting better.  

Blogging is definitely important to me, I love my little space on the internet and I love interacting with other bloggers, so I'm not going anywhere. However I'm trying to keep pressure and stress to a minimum so posts may not be as regular as they were, but Im going to try and get back into the groove. 

I've decided to be quite open about my anxiety and have talked about it with most of my friends and also on twitter where I've received an overwhelming amount of support and friendship from other bloggers, a lot who suffer from anxiety themselves. Talking is one of the best ways to make yourself feel better, and don't feel ashamed about how you're feeling, it's likely that someone will understand how you're feeling. 

It feels good to get this off my chest and come back to blogging. I'm excited to write, and think, and post about the things I love. I'm also not going to worry if my anxiety means I need to take a step back again, my health and well being always needs to come first. Having a break has shown to me that I don't need to worry so much about schedules or views. This blog is for me and I want to make something I'm proud of. 

20 comments

  1. Sorry to hear that you've been struggling, I'm glad you've started some medication to help you with your steps forward. I once read an article by a lady who had an anxiety disorder and as I read through it I realised I was exactly the same as her. She described ways that her mind would choose to worry about something and then turn it into a huge big thing that would probably never happen - something I do a lot!!
    I've never been to the doctors about it or looked for medical help, as like you said, it comes and goes for me too. Maybe I should one day as I've also been feeling a little worse lately but for now I'm just doing what I do to try and control it.
    It's good to know we are not alone - it can be so horrible and feel impossible to get out of but we need to remember that we are strong and can get through it :) Rachel x

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    1. I'd definitely recommend going to the doctors or talking to someone about it if it's starting to effect your life and is stopping you being able to do things. I just wanted to feel like me again and be able to do all the things I could do before without anxiety stopping me. It is really horrible so I hope you feel better soon, and thank you so much for your comment :D
      Emma xx

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  2. Glad to hear things are getting better for you, sorry to hear that you've been struggling though. Hopefully the good days will soon start to outnumber the bad again. I went through similar in my third year of uni (although it wasn't my final year), and seeking help at about the same stage as what you've described was the best decision. For me now, the good days far outweigh the bad ones- my anxiety may not quite be 100% gone, but it's got so much better. Your boyfriend is so right about taking baby steps too!
    Jennifer xx
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Im really hoping it will get better, Im sure it will and the good days will outnumber the bad, just got to get there. So great for you that your anxiety is a lot better! Im looking forward to feeling better, and Im glad I decided to get help as I just couldn't cope. Thank you for commenting :D
      Emma xx

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  3. Thankyou so much for sharing this. I suffer with anxiety also and I know how much it has taken for you to share this with your readers. I am sure you will feel so much better in the weeks to come and it's good you have your boyfriend there for you!

    LauraThinksAbout

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    1. Thank you for commenting :D Im glad you liked reading it, It was difficult to write this but It's also been a weight off my shoulders in a way. Im really hoping things improve soon and Im sure they will. I hope you're doing good too :)
      Emma xx

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  4. Sorry to hear you've been struggling. I know myself how difficult it can be to keep yourself going when you aren't feeling 100%, or even 50% - so good luck, and keep your support network close. If you ever want to chat more anonymously to someone, I'm here! x

    NINEGRANDSTUDENT: A Student Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment, it's so nice to have such supportive people around me, even if they're just on the internet! I've got some really great people in my life who help me a lot, and thank you for your offer, if I ever need someone I know where to turn :)
      Emma xx

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  5. I think you're incredible strong for even talking about this. Not alot of people feel like they can come out and talk about it and as someone who has a bit of anxiety too, I salute you for that. I do hope you find your inner strength and grow from this. You're alot better than you think you are.

    www.internetlyaddicted.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much, it's something I wanted to write about and although it was a bit daunting I hoped I'd get a great response and people would be supportive which they really have!
      Emma x

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  6. Aww I hope you are feeling a bit better! I think it's always good to get help for your anxiety - therapy was a life saver for me. Definitely take the pressure off yourself, but it takes time and experience to do that so just go with the flow and it usually all sorts itself out :) x

    Jasmin Charlotte | UK Lifestyle Blog

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    1. I've started to get better with the medication, I still need to think about therapy but thats still a bit of a scary thought for me. Im trying just to take baby steps and focus on the important things and not worry too much when I can't do something. Im sure I'll get there eventually!
      Emma x

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  7. Sorry to hear you've not been well Emma :(
    I know I can find blogging to be quite cathartic when I'm in a bad place but it does become too easy to pressurise yourself with it. Baby steps are definitely the way to go :)
    Hope the medication continues to help you and that you'll feel better soon. If you ever want to have a chat I'm pretty much always online! xx

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    1. Thanks for your comment, I'll make sure to send you a message if I need someone to chat too. I'm definitely in the process of getting better which is good, just taking it slow and not putting too much pressure on myself.
      Emma xx

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  8. Sorry to hear you've been struggling. I love your blog, and wondered where you had got to!
    I think it's important to remember that your blog is a hobby. Yes, you enjoy writing it and people enjoy reading it. But, in the grand scheme of things, it's not the priority. Your degree, and your health are. I know there's a lot of pressure for bloggers to post regularly to maintain readers, but you know what? I've never thought "Hey, I liked that blog, where did she go?" and unfollowed. Never. Sometimes I notice people are missing, sometimes I don't, but I always notice when they come back, and are happy for it. If people like your blog they'll stick by your absences. Get yourself better soon sweetie
    Aimee
    http://aimeebelleblog.blogspot.co.uk
    xx

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    1. Aw thank you so much for your comment! So nice to hear you wondered where I was haha! But yes ultimately blogging isn't a priority but I do really enjoy it so Im trying to bring it back into my life a bit now Im starting to feel a bit better and cope better with the anxiety.
      Emma xx

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  9. Take care, you have been missed

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  10. Such a lovely post to read, Emma. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks myself, and so I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by the world and feeling like you're drowning. You're 100% right when you say that your health and well-being becomes before anything else - I've definitely learnt that the hard way in the past. I'm guilty of putting way too much pressure on myself like you, but blogging is supposed to be something that we love. It's supposed to be our escape route FROM the anxiety, but sometimes it can sneak its way in like that. The important thing is that you've recognised that you weren't happy with how it was affecting your life, meaning that you can make a positive change! :) I hope that everything's going okay for you! x x x

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    1. Thanks for your comment, it's always great to hear from people who are struggling aswell, makes me feel less alone and know I can get through it as well. Anxiety is so horrible because you can't control it but all you want is for it to leave you alone and let you get on with things. Im taking steps to get myself feeling good again so that's a good :D I hope you're doing okay with your anxiety at the moment!
      Emma xx

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