The Heartbreak Playlist

This is a post I've been thinking about doing for a while but wasn't sure if I was ready to. It's been over 5 months since I broke up with my ex, and I'm doing ok, most of the time. It's been a hard few months but things are starting to look up. 

Music has always been something I turn to when I'm feeling strong emotions, whether it's happiness, anger, sadness or heartbreak. I find it really therapeutic when people can put my feelings into words within a song. I decided to put together a list of my Top 10 Heartbreak Songs in the hope that someone else might find a song that helps them through a tough time. 

These songs won't be what everyone is looking for in a breakup song, and a lot are very personal to me. I've got a mix of sadder songs, and more 'I'm a bad ass bitch' songs, and I've only picked 10 of my favourites. 
The Hardest Part - Nina Nesbitt
"I'd give anything just to be with you again, but it's not the right time. And I'd give anything just to feel you on my skin, but it's not the right time, it'll never be the right time, will it? It might never be the right time and that's the hardest part of it."

Fix a Heart - Demi Lovato 
"It's probably what's best for you, I only want the best for you, and if I'm not the best then you're stuck."

In Case - Demi Lovato 
"In case you don't find what you're looking for. In case you're missing what you had before. In case you change your mind, I'll be waiting here."

Survivor - Destiny's Child
"I'm a survivor, I'm not gon' give up. I'm not gon' stop, I'm gon' work harder. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving."

No Scrubs - TLC
"I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me."

Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer
"Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? 'Cause I'm not fine at all."

You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol
"You could be happy, I hope you are. You made me happier than I'd been by far."

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
"We're going down, and you can see it too. We're going down, and you know that we're doomed. My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room."

Don't You Remember - Adele
"When was the last time you thought of me? Or have you completely erased me from your memory? I often think about where I went wrong, the more I do, the less I know."

Honey Drop - Jarell
"Hard to let you go, when you're all I know... Sad to say goodbye, as we go on with our lives."

I'd love to hear your favourite break up songs, whether it's a more 'screw you, I can do better' style, or the more sad 'I miss you' types. 

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Wishlist: Feeling Neutral

Grey Knitted Bobble Hat - New Look £7.99
Grey Leather Tote Bag - Accessorize £69
Chunky Cleated Heel Chelsea Boot - Boohoo £25
White & Beige Knitted Jumper - New Look £19.99
Cream Check Scarf - Dorothy Perkins £9.60
Zig Zag Dress - Dorothy Perkins £10

It's that time of year where I spend my Sunday evenings scrolling through every clothes website adding things to my basket and then deleting them again. Online shopping is both amazing and terrible, but sometimes it just has to be done. I love that retailers are starting to add 'wish lists' where you can save items for a longer time and go back to them a few times before you purchase. All of these items I've had my eye on for a while now and it's shown me that I am definitely in a neutral mood at the moment, lots of black, white and beige! 

I'm a huge fan of heeled boots, so although I really don't need another pair, I couldn't help but click on these Boohoo heeled chelsea boots, they'd look perfect with a pair of skinny jeans and this white and beige jumper from New Look. In fact add in the bobble hat, scarf and this gorgeous bag from Accessorize and you've got a completed outfit! This zig zag dress from Dorothy Perkins is a bit out of my comfort zone, my body has a few lumps and bumps that show up under tight clothes, but I really like this dress so hopefully with some sucky-in pants I wouldn't look so terrible! 

Are you a January online window shopper? Tell me I'm not alone in having at least 30 items stored in multiple wish lists across different sites?! 

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Why I'm Happy Today

Happy Blue Monday everyone! Today is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. Its a Monday, in January, its cold and wet and dark and pretty bleak. I'm not letting that get me down though, so here are 5 things that have made me happy recently.
1. Starting a new year
Hello 2016! I am very happy that it is finally a new year. Not to be all "new year, new me!" but I am a huge fan of new starts, whether it's a new week, month or year, I always feel a bit more motivated. This year I decided I wanted to cry less and go with the flow more. Life happens and sometimes you just have to let it.
2. A new cardi
I love stripes, a lot. I could wear a different stripy outfit every day of the week I own that many striped things, so when I saw this cardi in Sainsbury I was immediately drawn to it. As I buy my lunch from Sainsbury almost every day I was taunted by this cardi daily and I eventually decided that screw it, I wanted it! So now I own another stripped item of clothing, and I am very happy about it.
3. Someone making me feel amazing
The past few weeks someone has made me feel pretty amazing about myself, and that has been kind of awesome. I feel kind of like me again after feeling pretty lost the past few months. It's amazing that someone saying a few nice words can totally change how you feel about yourself.
4. Blogging
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I love blogging. I'm still behind on reading and commenting on blogs and I definitely want to get back into this as it's one of the main reasons I love being part of the blogging world. I'm loving writing for me again though, its a lot more relaxed than work and I get to write about whatever I want.
5. Making a Murderer
If you haven't heard about this series then where have you been?! It's a Netflix documentary series about a man being convicted for a crime it is likely he didn't do. I'm a huge fan of documentaries and law, so this was perfect for me. I watched the whole series in a weekend! I definitely recommend giving it a watch.
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If you enjoyed this post you might like to check out My Photos of Happiness // #BloggerSleepover // Be Happy. Be a Unicorn

#CharacterChic: Cruella De Vil

I'm a bit late to the party with this one i'll admit, but a few months back Sophie challenged me to take part in her Character Chic Challenge that she created with Karissa. It seemed like such a great idea, and after brainstorming a few ideas I finally settled on something I thought I could make work.  

"The #CharacterChic challenge is a style challenge with a bit of twist. A fictional character twist. Fiction can be such a big part of your life, and with that comes inspiration, I mean, there are some super cool characters out there, right? I've grown up wanting to be like so many of my favourites, which is why I loved the idea of this challenge. Pick a character, style yourself like them, and run with it."

I picked Cruella De Vil. Not the nicest of fictional characters I know, but I thought she would be a great style inspiration. Whether in cartoon form or real life, Cruella has a serious classy style, red lipstick, gloves, and a little bit of animal print. She mostly stays true to her signature monochrome look with pops of red. 

Although I wanted to take inspiration from her, I wasn't going to go out and skin 100 dalmatians for a coat, instead I made use of this beige, fur lined coat that my mum has had for years. Adding in a full length, black dress with a side split from Boohoo, and a pair of black heels from New Look

Of course, taking inspiration from Cruella De Vil, I had to get an adorable furry friend involved. So little Bee, one of my kittens joined me for the photo shoot and some pretty adorable shots! All together I think this outfit worked really well, I felt very sophisticated and definitely a bit fierce channelling some aspects of such a terrible (fictional) woman. 

I'd like to thank Sophie, for not only challenging me to get involved, but for being my photographer for a day, sorry it's taken so long to get the post up!  Make sure to head over to Soph's and Karissa's blog to see which characters they took inspiration from. If you'd like to join in with this then please do, I'd love to see who you take style tips from. 

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Let's Get Personal: Where Has It Gone?

My heart hurts. This is a post I may never publish, it might be something that stays hidden away in my drafts forever, but it feels like something I need to write. For me. 

I've had my heart broken for the first time. My first love, first boyfriend, first heart break. I'd seen friends go through it before and I could sympathise but I could never truly understand, but now I've had a taste of it myself. It's not fun. It's sad and painful and confusing and its there all the time in the back of your mind. Life goes on, you laugh, have fun with your friends, you get a new job, meet new people, kiss someone new, go on dates, but it's always there. The ache. 

I know why they call it heart break because it truly feels like your heart is being pulled apart, or squeezed so tightly you can't breath, or stabbed continuously. It just keeps going. The first few weeks are hell. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real. He couldn't have just stopped loving me. Everything reminded me of him, it felt like I couldn't go a minute without his face coming into my mind, without his name finding its way onto my tongue. So many memories. I missed him. 

You crack. Of course you crack. No contact is bollocks. How can you go from everything to nothing in one day. I wasn't angry at him, I'll never be angry at him for his decision. It was the right decision, I know that, and I'm not sure if that makes it worse. There was just so much sadness, a sadness I've never experienced before, and all I wanted to do was hear his voice, or see his smile and know everything was going to be ok. But that wasn't going to come from him.

It gets easier. Time is the only healer. It doesn't go away though, it just becomes easier to ignore, the feelings can be suppressed, his name doesn't find it's way into your mind as often. It's still there though, waiting until you least expect it, when you think you're doing ok and it jumps out, catching you unguarded, reminding you that you're still hurting, you're not over him. 

Im confused, a lot of the time. I'm realistic, I always have been. I know I'll move on, I know I'll meet someone who will make me so happy, who I will love and will love me too, but I'm  not there yet. Some days it feels like I'll never feel that way again, that I don't want to feel that way with anyone else. 

I miss him. I miss feeling loved, I miss cuddles and kisses and all that relationship stuff, but I also miss him a lot. I've lost my best friend, someone who knew everything about me, who cared about me and was always there, someone who meant so much to me, who could make me laugh and always knew what to say. He's not mine anymore, and I can't even have him as a friend because it hurts too much. Seeing him and not being able to touch him. Not being able to ring him when I'm sad or angry. He's not mine any more. 

I know this ache will go. I know I will go days, then weeks, then months without thinking about him. I know I'll meet someone new. I know I'll fall in love again. Right now it just hurts. 

Hard to let you go, when you're all I know. Sad to say goodbye, as we go on with our lives. 

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Life is a Lesson Learnt: 2015

2015 Taught Me That: 
Timing is everything.
Friends should be listened to. 
There is always a positive. 
It's ok to need to cry. 
Healing takes time. 
Coping with your own mental health can be hard. 
Loving someone with depression is very hard. 
I suit lipstick. 
Gaining weight doesn't make me unattractive. 
Friends can come about in the most unusual way. 
Best friends can be made quickly. 
I am talented. 
Dating sucks. 
Having your heart broken is painful. 
Sometimes I am to blame. 
My friends are my world. 
Jennifer Lawrence is amazing. 
Love isn't always enough.
Makeup makes me happy. 
I am very lucky. 
I deserve happiness and love. 
Life goes on. 

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