It's been a while. Over 6 months actually. I didn't plan to take a break from blogging, it just kind of happened, and I let it, because blogging is something I enjoy, and if I'm not enjoying it, I don't want to force myself to do it. I don't feel I owe an explanation to anyone who might be wondering, but I'd like to talk about what's been going on, because ultimately this blog is my space to talk about myself, and I'm going to do it.
For a while back there things weren't great, in fact they'd been pretty up and down for a few years. I thought I'd got it under control, but I hadn't really. I'd just been covering the wounds with plasters hoping they'd do the job. It got to a point where I knew it was time to rip the plasters off and take the long road to healing instead.
That started with a trip to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety, mild depression and binge eating disorder. That last one is tough for me to say. I've had a pretty fucked up relationship with food my whole life, but it's always been dismissed, so to have someone finally acknowledge it was a pretty big step for me.
As is with a lot of people, my mental illnesses all kind of linked together, the depression mostly came about when I was at my lowest with anxiety and BED, and the anxiety heightened the binging. I began counselling and went back onto anti-depressants.
4 months later and I'm feeling fine. It's no longer a rollercoaster of ups and downs, things are pretty steady. I'm feeling like me again, for the first time in years, and it feels wonderful. Things aren't perfect, I still have my down days, but the progress I can see in myself is nothing less than phenomenal.
Things are settling for me, I'm much more happier in myself, I'm more confident and comfortable, but mostly, i'm just fine.
You can find me in all of these places: