I'm a nice person, and I'm a good person, but those are not my key identifiers. I don't think anyone who knows me would pick nice and good if they were asked to describe me in three words - loud, confident and sassy are probably much more likely to come up. I'm ok with that, in fact I'm proud of that, because along with those things come being outspoken, honest and passionate. I'm a feminist, sex positive, unafraid of confrontation and comfortable speaking up when I need to.
Those are all traits I'm happy to have, but I've come to realise they're not always traits other people want you to have. Guys - and I'm definitely generalising here, as always it's not all guys - like nice. They like sweet and good and innocent girls who don't cause a fuss. There is nothing wrong with being a sweet, innocent, nice, good girl, those are all wonderful personality traits and nothing to be ashamed of. This is about the guys who want a girl who is all those things and can't handle it when she's anything more.
I've met, dated and talked to hundreds of guys, and usually my confidence is appealing to them, that is until they feel challenged. Whether it's conscious or not many men can struggle accepting a woman's opinion, especially when it conflicts with theirs. They don't like confident loud Emma when she starts calling them out on their misogynistic behaviour, or when she says no to their requests for sex.
They usually react badly, unable to accept that I'm just being honest, or that I'm trying to show them how to be more supportive of women and help them understand that the way they're acting isn't particularly helpful. I've been ghosted immediately after disagreeing with someone, guys who have been interested have told me they don't see it working because I've said that the way they approached a discussion was slightly sexist, and when I've asked guys to respect my decisions or opinions they've treated my like shit and it's all because I was no longer a good sweet girl with a 'naughty' side. I was now a confident, strong, outspoken woman who wasn't going to do as I was told.
They don't like me when I'm me. They like me when I'm a good girl with a confident, loud, naughty side. A 'lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets' is what they want, but this lady isn't going to play by their rules. I won't hold back on being myself just to please a man, I wont regret calling a man out on his sexist behaviour, or being honest about my wants and desires. I won't be sitting quietly, not 'causing a fuss', not 'making drama' just because a man doesn't like it. I will be me. I will be loud and outspoken and confident, and I'll be happy waiting for a man to come along who isn't afraid of that.
These men want a 'lady' but we sure as hell know they ain't acting liking gentleman.
This post is based on personal experience, it is not representative of all men and is not meant to offend.
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