Why you shouldn't be afraid to play alone this Valentines Day


My first sex toy was a mini bullet vibrator from Ann Summers at around age 16. I was slightly terrified of what to expect, not having had much sexual experience with guys and only a bit of tentative play with myself. It's save to say I was blown away, and ever since that fateful day when I first put a vibrator to my clit I've been a fan of sex toys. 

I stayed pretty tame to begin with, replacing my bullet vibrator after a while, and then a few years later once I'd started having regular sex I moved to something a bit more powerful. Now I have a small but expanding collection of toys.

I'm a big advocate of sex toys, I think everyone should give them a go if they're interested in sexual pleasure. Sexual toys are not just for women, people of all genders and sexualities can enjoy them, however as a cis woman this post will mostly focus on using sex toys as a cis women, purely as that is all I know on a personal level.



Whether you're in a relationship, single, sexually active, or not you can still have a bit of fun by yourself, if that's what you're into. Masturbation has been publicly dominated by men, women are shy talking about it and doing it, but there is nothing to be ashamed of in enjoying a play by yourself, and sex toys are a fantastic addition to solo play. 

But playing alone isn't just about getting off, there are so many other reasons you shouldn't be afraid to get those fingers moving. Smile Makers, who have collaborated with me on this post, are all about encouraging women to embrace their sexual desires, they aim to empower women, one orgasm at a time. 

So if you're still wondering whether solo play is for you, here are a few reasons why you should take the plunge, quite literally, and get exploring.

1. It feels good
Starting with the basics, masturbation feels good, and you shouldn't need to wait for a partner to make yourself feel good. The beauty of doing it yourself is that there is no guess work, no putting up with questionable technique, just you, and you can do whatever it is that feels good to you, and let me tell you, once you find your rhythm it feels good!

2. You'll have better sex
Knowing yourself and what works for you means you can give your sexual partner a hand (literally or figuratively) when it comes to playing together. If you know you like to focus on your clit when you play alone you can communicate this, or if you know you prefer a certain rhythm or motion you just have to say, and if it comes down to it, you can help yourself along and make sure you're enjoying yourself. 

3. Confidence
You get to know yourself when you become a regular down there, you know what your body feels like, and it becomes less daunting when someone else makes there way down. Become best friends with your body, know what makes it tick, and then you'll feel more confident when you're doing it with someone else. In fact, Smile Makers found that 70% of women say that self-pleasuring makes them feel beautiful. 

4. It makes you happier
This one is science. Pleasure, and orgasms make you feel good. Your body is filled with endorphins and you're left feeling happy and on a natural high. You could see an improvement in your general wellbeing and happiness levels with some regular solo play.


Sexual satisfaction shouldn't be dependent on a partner, and exploring things yourself is an incredibly empowering and enjoyable way of finding that satisfaction. I personally find sex toys a welcome addition to my solo play, and I'd recommend everyone looks into what might be fun for them. If you're alone this Valentines Day, or any other day, and you're feeling like you'd like some sexual fun, have some time to yourself and enjoy.

Just to add a disclaimer, as mentioned, as a cis woman this post may be more relevant to other cis women, however I am a strong believer that anyone who wishes to find sexual satisfaction should do so. Solo play can be for everyone, but it also isn't necessary, if you don't feel like it is for you that's ok too. If you have any suggestions on how I can make sure my writing on sex is more inclusive please do let me know as my personal experiences are limited. 

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This post was written in collaboration with Smile Makers. In exchange for an honest post I was sent a Love Box of two vibrators and some lube. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

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